Kojima Yoshio : English Teacher!

Comedian Yoshio Kojima trys his hand at teaching English...

During my last trip to Japan, I must have heard "Sonna no kankei nai" a million times -- at restaurants and izakaya (Japanese style watering holes), on the streets, and from Japanese friends. It wasn't long before I got my first taste of the speedo-clad Yoshio Kojima, a half-Brazilian, half-Japanese graduate of the prestigious Waseda University, singing and prancing around half-naked, jumping, humping, pumping his his fist towards the floor and stomping his foot. Now you, too, can enjoy this Japanese comic fad at it's finest.(Translated below).

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Woman: (Hoping for help from Kojima, she reads him her homework)
Kojima: Wow, you're horrible! That's not even close!
Woman: It's been so long since I read English...
Kids: Well then, you read it!
Kojima: Shall I read it for you? That's not smooth at all, and there's so much space between the words foreigners will never understand you!
Woman: Well then, Mr. Kojima, if you would, please...
Kojima: (Brilliant English-- no translation needed!)
Woman: What language is that?
Kojima: It's English!!!

♪♪♪ Acutally I can't read English、but that doesn't matter! ♪♪♪
Hai, OPPAPI!

*(Note: Oppapi supposedly stands for "Ocean Pacific Peace". Does that explanation sounds dubious to anyone else?)

...And Japanese!

Kojima attempts to help a young boy learn a kanji, or Chinese character...

Koijima: This is the character "naku", "to cry," Ok?
Boy: Naku (to cry).
Kojima: Naku. To Cry. This is easy. Umm... (baby cries) will you be quiet? Uh... first, WHOA! Don't pull my undies down, OK?! That's dangerous!

(Begins to draw) This is a crying... Do you got it? It's a crying person. Crying. He is crying. Crying. Cryin'. Cry crai cra crr cr... CRYING!

(Kojima shows the progression of the kanji from picture to pictograph)

Boy: I still don't quite understand...
Kojima: You still don't understand? Ok, but this is how I got into Waseda...

Wow. When you explain kanji like that, it really starts to make sense! I bet naku is one kanji that boy will never forget.

Much thanks to Japan Probe for always bringing the best of Japanese TV to the blogsphere, and for being a much cooler blog than this will ever be. m(- -)m

Jidai Matsuri 2007 : Yokobue

Komomo, geiko of Miyagawa-cho, as Yokobue.

A low-ranking lady-in-waiting, Yokobue fell in love with Takiguchi-no-Tokiyori, a warrior of the Imperial Palace. The first time Tokiyori saw Yokobue dance at a hanami party he decided at once that he wanted her for his wife. When his family rejected her, the warrior sought solace by becoming a priest. Yokobue traveled to see Tokiyori, but he refused to meet her because he had already taken his vows. Stricken with grief, Yokobue drowned herself (as many Japanese heroines are rumored to have done). Before leaving, she wrote her true feelings in her own blood on a rock still standing before the gate of Takiguchi-dera, on the same site where Tokiyori took refuge so long ago.

Jidai Matsuri 2007: Ono No Komachi

Heian Period Women

Fukuaya, geiko of Miyagawa-cho, as Ono no Komachi.

Immortalized as one of the best waka poets of her day and a rare beauty, Ono no Komachi is Japan's earliest and best example of a passionate woman poet. Although they were written over a thousand years ago and can be read in a matter of minutes, the handful of her verses that survive today have been celebrated and studied for centuries, transcending time and culture to move and inspire people all around the world.

One of her poems is also included in the Hyakunin Isshu, a famous anthology of waka poetry also used in uta-garuta.

花の色は

うつりにけりな

いたづらに

わが身世にふる

ながめせしまに

The hue of the cherry blossoms
have faded
Gazing meaninglessly
at the long rain,
I grow old

It may be hard to fully appreciate Japanese poetry without an understanding of the subtle puns and play of words lost in translation. In the poem above, Komachi uses the word furu to connect the idea of growing old to the falling of the rain, and the word nagame to the idea of gazing to the long rains.

Here are a few of my favorite Komachi poems:

Although my feet never cease running to you
On the path of dreams,
The sum of all those meetings
Is less than a single waking glimpse.

******

Did he appear
Because I fell asleep
thinking of him?
If only I'd known I was dreaming
I never would have wakened.

*****

The autumn night
is long only in name
We've done no more
than gaze at each other
and it's already dawn

*****

Yeilding to a love
That knows no limit,
I shall go to him by night--
For the world does not yet censure
Those who tread the paths of dreams

You can read all 22 of her surviving poems here. Which is your favorite?


Fukunami, a young geiko of Miyagawa-cho, dressed as a lady-in-waiting to Ono no Komachi.

Jidai Matsuri 2007: Shizuka Gozen

Heian Period

Terukoma, geiko of Gion Kobu, as Shizuka Gozen in Kyoto's Festival of Ages.

Lady Shizuka is one of the most famous and celebrated women of Japanese history. Daughter of a shirabyoshi, or court dancer, Shizuka recieved an invitation from the retired Emperor Shirakawa to dance for the gods, hoping that it would bring an end to a long drought. The chants of a hundred Buddhist monks performances by ninety-nine shirabyoshi had proven useless, but Shizuka's graceful movements acheived the desired effect. The Emperor praised her performance, and it was then that she met the hero Minamoto-no-Yoshitsune.

As a brilliant Genji general in the Gempei War (1180-1185), Yoshitsune's success earned him the distrust of his half-brother, Yoritomo, leader of the Genji clan. In 1185, Yoritomo forced his half-brother to flee and live like an outlaw. Four years later, he was betrayed, and forced to commit seppuku (ritual suicide).

Terukoma waits patiently as stylists make a few last minute touch-ups to her carefully styled wig. She holds a tsuzumi, an hourglass-shaped drum originally taught with fox skin. Played with the tips of the fingers over the shoulder, it produces a distinct "pon" sound. The tsuzumi is used in classical Noh and Kabuki theater and is one of the many traditional instruments studied by geiko and maiko.

Shizuka, pregnant with his child, was captured by Yoritomo. Forced to dance for him, he was so charmed that he agreed to spare her life and that of her unborn child-- if it was a girl. Unfortunately, she gave birth to a son, who was soon killed at Yoritomo's order to prevent the child from seeking vengeance for his father's death later in life. Some say that Shizuka was also killed, some that she became a nun, and others that she drowned herself in a river in despair. She has haunted Japanese art and literature, appearing in everything from Kabuki to manga, ever since.

Jidai Matsuri 2007: Heian Period

Early Heian Era court style, still heavily influenced by China.

Desperate to separate his court from the growing politcal power of the Buddhist temples of Nara, Emperor Kammu fianlly chose idyllic Yamashiro, surrounded by mountains and blessed with clear water, as the location of his new capital, Heian-Kyo: the Capital of Peaceful Tranquility. Known today as Kyoto, it remained the nation's capital until 1867. Jidai Matsuri, or the Festival of Ages, commemorates his decision, made over 1,200 years ago (October 22, 794).

Kudara O Myoshin, the wife of a powerful government minister, gained the trust of Emperor Kanmu who honored her with the position of Chief Lady-in-Waiting at the Imperial Court.

The Heian Imperial court enjoyed a relatively long period of peace and prosperity lasting nearly 400 years, until 1185. The most influential clan of the era was the aristocratic Fujiwara family who succeeded in dominating the royal family by marrying their daughters to emperors and ruling on behalf of their offspring when they assumed the throne. The Fujiwara controlled politics and cultivated the cultural scene, encouraging an aura of courtly sophistication and sensitivity in all of their activities, including the visual and literary arts and religious practice. This refined sensibility and aesthetic interest is clearly expressed in the literary classic The Tale of Genji, written by a member of the Fujiwara clan known to us today as Murasaki Shikibu.

Kimina, geiko of Miyagawa-cho, as Murasaki Shikibu, Heian Era courtier and author of "The Tale of Genji".

After centuries of absorbing and adopting the culture of the continent, the Japanese began to experience a growing sense of self-confidence and appreciation of their own heritage. Although trade expeditions and Buddhist pilgrims continued to travel between Japan and the continent, the court terminated official relations with China. One of the most important developments of this time was the Japanese syllabic kana script, which led to the cultivation of waka poetry and other distinctive literary forms, such as narrative tales (monogatari) and diaries (nikki).


Kikuno, geiko of Miyagawa-cho as Sei Shonagon, contemporary and rival of Murasaki Shikibu and author of Makura no Soshi, "The Pillow Book".

Tomoe Gozen: Jidai Matsuri 2007

Heian Period

Fukuteru, geiko of Miyagawa-cho, appears as Tomoe Gozen in Kyoto's Jidai Matsuri, the "Festival of Ages".

Arrayed in men's armor, Tomoe Gozen fought courageously besides her husband, General Kiso Yoshinaka, in battle. Heike Monogatari, or The Take of Heike, describes her as the epitome of both feminine and masculine virtue:

"Tomoe was especially beautiful, with white skin, long hair, and charming features. She was also a remarkably strong archer, and as a swords-woman she was a warrior worth a thousand, ready to confront a demon or a god, mounted or on foot. She handled unbroken horses with superb skill; she rode unscathed down perilous descents. Whenever a battle was imminent, Yoshinaka sent her out as his first captain, equipped with strong armor, an oversized sword, and a mighty bow; and she performed more deeds of valor than any of his other warriors."

Fiercely brave and unwaveringly loyal to her husband, her final act of service to him has become the subject of many plays, poems, art, manga and even the modern, made-for-TV-drama, Yoshitsune. Having defeated the Heike clan, driving them into the western provinces and taking Kyoto, Yoshinaka decided to claim leadership of the Minamoto clan (to which he belonged). His cousin and rival, Yoritomo, promptly sent his brothers to kill Yoshinaka, and their forces finally met in the Battle of Awazu. Outnumbered and overwhelmed, with only a handful of warriors standing, Yoshinaka ordered his wife to flee the field rather than face capture and death. Promising her husband that she would hold off the enemy long enough for him to commit seppuku, the ritual suicide considered honorable in defeat, the Tale of Heike records that:

"[Tomoe] flung herself upon Onda [the strongest warrior} , and, grappling with him, dragged him from his horse... and cut off his head."

Tomoe Gozen's fate after the battle is not known, but it is generally believed that she lived a long life, becoming a Buddhist nun.

Back to Japan: A Retrospective (^_<)

From soba to sushi, from Gifu to Osaka,it was a month well spent!